No Moon
by Music Manic 101
Summary: This is Edward's side of New Moon.
1. Preface

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No Moon –Edward's Story of New Moon**

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Note: I do not own Twilight. However I'm using some of the dialogue from New Moon. **

**Preface**

* * *

It was dark even for my immortal eyes. All I saw was a cliff and a beautiful girl with brown hair. And she was falling into the black abyss hundreds of feet below.

I was too far away and too slow. When she disappeared so did my vision.


	2. Party

**Party**

* * *

She was mumbling in her sleep again. This time it was Grandma Marie. I didn't know much about this dead family member except she was dead for about six years.

"Edward"

The name startled me in my train of thought. Her breathing was still in its steady beat so I knew she was still sleeping. The frequency of my name being said in her dreams worries me. She was so eager to be damned, to turn away from all that is human, mortal, good.

I'm not going to let her go down my path. However, unless I did something to change the future, something totally unplanned, Bella was going to end up damned or dead by my hands. Alice had seen that, and I would never place a bet against Alice.

The sky was gradually beginning to lighten. Bella would be getting up soon. Today is her birthday, so I left her to get up alone so I could hunt and change for another uneventful day in Forks High School.

***

I pulled up to school. I got out and leaned against my Volvo. Of all my cars this was probably my favorite, besides my Vanquish. Inconspicuous when I drove it around town, yet it packed a punch when I drove on the highway. I told Bella a million times to get rid of her old truck that her father bought from the old Billy Black down in LaPush. Not only was the truck so decrepit that it struggles to get passes 50 miles per hour, it also smelled bad, like wet dog. Bella never notices the smell, but I do whenever she not in there to cover it up.

I drove Alice to school, too. We were acting like seniors while Rose, Emmett, and Jasper all "graduated" last year. Alice was overly happy on account of the party she was throwing for Bella's 18th birthday. Despite all the not-so-subtle hints about Bella not wanting anything big, Alice decided that she was going to throw one anyway. In her head she was going over where all the decorations were going in the house and how to get Rosalie to act civilized around Bella. I groaned as Alice thought of the gigantic cake she was baking for just Bella, the only one who ate that nasty compound of eggs and flour.

"Here comes the mortal," she sang under her breath.

Bella's drove up to the school. A shower of rust fell off the truck as she shut the door and walked over to us. Joyful Alice ran skipped towards Bella.

"Happy Birthday, Bella!" She yelled.

"Shh!" Bella glared at Alice with distaste. She is such and enigma to my world. She must be the only human who did not enjoy or look forward to her 18th Birthday. As Alice and Bella made their way to me, I could hear Alice harass Bella about presents.

"Your only a senior once, might as well document the experience," Alice was saying.

"How many times have you been a senior?" Bella retorted. I could not let her be damned like me. Bella would only be a senior once, I had to make sure of that. They reached us and I took Bella's hand. Her heart beat speed up, as it always does when she first comes up to me. Her heartbeat made me smile, she was still mortal.

"So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?" I asked her.

"Yes, that is correct"

"Just checking. You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts," I teased.

_Most people also stay away from vampires, Edward. Since when has Bella been like most people? _Alice laughed at her thought. Out loud she said, "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that can happen?" _It's a rhetorical question_.

"Getting older." I cringed at her answer.

_I'll try to reason with her. Don't worry._ Alice thought.

"Eighteen isn't very old. Don't women usually wait till there twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"

"It's older than Edward"

Why does she think that? Technically I'm over a hundred. Sure physically I am still seventeen, but that doesn't mean anything. Bella's mortality meant everything to me and yet nothing to her. Why can't I make her realize that human experiences are important?

"Technically, just one little year though." _Which won't make a difference if you make her immortal, Edward. Stop being stubborn and save yourself and Bella some pain._

I made a quick frown in Alice's direction. Bella didn't see it but Alice did.

_Okay, time to change the subject_. "What time will you be at the house?" Here we go. Alice was a little too excited for this party. She wasn't the only one, though. Esme was just as excited.

"I didn't know I had plans there"

_Oh no you are not getting out of this, Bella. It's party time. _Alice spent the next few minuets convincing Bella to come. She even switched her shifts at Newton's. Bella really did not want to come; she even resorted to the homework excuse. Alice was going to threaten Bella, time to intervene.

"Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. Its her birthday."

"So there" Bella added.

_Edward you're supposed to be on my side. I can't believe you would do this. This is the first time we can have a legitimate party in seventy years and you are sabotaging it. Next time you see your Vanquish it's going to be in little pieces around the house._ I could see that I had to make Alice happy. They don't make that car the way they used to.

"I'll bring her over around seven. That will give you more time to set up."

_Oh. Thank you, Edward. Its going to be so much fun! You can't let her get out of this. _She continued to tell Bella about the party.

Once Alice left Bella looked at me and said, "Edward please-"

I interrupted her, "Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late to class."

We walked into class. The thoughts became less stunned about Bella, and me but it was still there. _Here comes the gorgeous couple. Cullen is so weird, he kept to himself until she came and now he's sociable. Why couldn't he leave us well alone and gradated early, with his giant freak of a brother? He's smart enough. How can a normal guy compete with him?_ This came from Mike Newton. It takes all my strength to keep calm around him most of the time. Bella seemed to attract the most annoying followers. Mike always annoyed me with his view of Bella. My only respite was that Bella couldn't stand him either.

School was uneventful. Because of my gift I could get lost in my thoughts and still appear alert to the teachers. They always wanted to catch me off guard but I never gave them the chance. When you know more then the teachers there isn't much they can challenge you with. Before Bella high school was purgatory. Bella makes my fifth high school experience a little more interesting.

I walked Bella to her car, opening the passenger door for her. Alice was taking my Volvo while I stayed with Bella preventing her from running out on the party. She looked at with a glare in her eyes.

"It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"

She is not playing the birthday car to keep me from driving. "I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished."

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight."

She got me with that logic. "All right," I said walking over to open the driver's door for her.

"Shh," she said. I could tell she wanted me to take the other offer. Anything to get out of this party.

I started playing with her radio. The car is so old, and her radio is the worst part of her car. I had to shake my head in disapproval.

"Your radio has horrible reception." But not for long, Emmett is going to install a new one tonight.

"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car." I know she was in a bad mood on account of this party, but she's funny when she tries to be angry with me. I struggled to keep the smile off my face. I lost.

As we pulled up to her house I took her face in my hands. I traced the outline of her face like she was a glass figure, which is a good comparison compared to me at least. "You should be in a good mood, today of all days," I whispered in her ear.

"And what if I don't want to be in a good mood?" She asked. Her uneven breathing betrayed her.

"Too bad."

We kissed. Kissing Bella was always a complex feeling for me. On one hand I had the feeling of complete joy. Bella was beautiful and mine and when we kissed I remembered how lucky I was to have her by my side. However, there was a negative side to kissing. Every time I was overwhelmed by her sent. The monster in me wanted it so badly yet I kept him caged by Alice's vision of Bella dead. I had strict lines for a physical relationship with Bella, yet she tried to push these lines very time we kissed. She tended to forget things, like how I'm a dangerous bloodthirsty vampire, when we kissed. Like now for instance.

"Be good, please," I warned her as I pulled away.

"Do you think I'll ever get better at this? That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?" She asked.

"I really hope not," I said, maybe a bit smugly. If her heart continues to behave like this then she is still human.

Se rolled her eyes, perhaps she thought I was a bit smug. "Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?"

"Your wish, my command"

I sat on the couch as Bella started the movie, fast-forwarding through the incredibly long opening credits. She sat on the edge of the couch until I pulled her close to me. I wrapped her in a blanket to keep her warm.

I never liked Romeo and Juliet. I decided to ask Bella about it. "You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo"

"What's wrong with Romeo?" She asked, a little offended. So, Bella was a fan.

I went on my rant about haw Romeo is a fickle lover and it seemed to offend Bella more. Finally she decided to threaten me, "Do you want me to watch this movie alone?"

"No, I'll mostly be watching you anyway. Will you cry?" Bella's emotions were interesting to watch.

"Probably if I'm paying attention."

"I won't distract you then." I wasn't distracting her, even if I was whispering Romeo's line in her ear. The movie ended and true to her word Bella did cry when Juliet woke to find Romeo dead. It was so easy for humans to kill themselves.

"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here."

"She's very pretty." _What?_

"I don't envy him the _girl_- just the ease of suicide. You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts..."

"What?" Bella was ignorant to many of the ways of vampires. I described for her how it's hard to be immortal and kill yourself. I told how last spring, when she was nearly killed by James (damn him to the pits of hell), how I wouldn't live without her. I told her about the Volturi. Apparently she wasn't inclined to the idea.

"What would you do if the situation was reversed?" I asked.

"That's not the same thing." Right. She was my reason for living. Without her what's the point.

"What if something did happen to you?" She asked, "Would you want me to go _off_ myself?" The world without Bella is dark and gloomy. Picturing it brought me pain.

"I guess I see your point... a little," I admitted, but its still not over. "But what would I without you?"

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence." So purgatory again.

"You make that sound so easy"

"It should be. I'm not really that interesting." Bella never did see herself clearly. Se is still the most interesting thing in my century of existence. But I decided not to argue, giving up.

I heard the familiar sound of Charlie's cruiser down the road. I pulled Bella into a more appropriate position on the couch. Charlie would shoot me in the previous position. I think he would notice if the bullets didn't do any damage.

As Charlie walked in the stench of pizza followed. Good, it would save Bella time from doing the dishes and cooking. Charlie is used to me passing dinner. He thinks I eat something before coming over. When they were done eating I asked him if I could borrow Bella tonight.

_Good I didn't know what to do tonight. Thank God for the Cullen clan. _"That's fine. The Mariners are playing the Sox tonight. So I won't be any kind of company" He paused as I saw Bella's face fall. She really didn't want to come over. "Here." He said while scooping up a camera that Renee got Bella. Bella couldn't catch it so I save it from crashing to the floor. After a suggestion to take pictures and another to say hi to Alice we left for home. I was driving Bella's truck this time.

The engine started to wine loudly as it passed fifty. "Take it easy," Bella warned me.

"You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet with lots of power."

"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."

"Not a dime." The rest of my family however spent money on presents.

"Good." Bella didn't know yet.

"Could you do me a favor?" I asked.

"That depends on what it is"

I got serious, "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."

"Fine I'll behave."

"I probably should warn you-"

"Please do."

"When I say they're all excited ... I do mean _all_ of them." I hoped Bella got the meaning.

"Everyone?" She did, "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa."

"Emmett wanted to be here." He did too. Emmett gets a kick out of every time Bella falls, so that I kick him hard after she leaves.

"But... Rosalie"

"I know Bella. Don't worry she'll be on her best behavior." Alice had made sure of that by stealing the keys to her BMW. I decided to change the subject. "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?"

"You know what I want." She wants to be damned.

"Not tonight, Bella. Please"

"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want." I growled. Alice was planning on it to. Alice would be dead if she gave immortality to Bella.

"This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella." I would make sure of that with every bone in my body.

"That's not fair!" I clenched my teeth together.

We pulled up to the house that glowed in the night by Japanese lanterns. Bella moaned. "This is a party. Try to be a good sport" I teased her.

"Sorry"

As I came to her door she asked me a question. "If I develop this film will you show up in the picture?" The joke calmed me down and I laughed at it as we walked up to my house.

My family wished Bella a happy birthday as we walked in. Alice and Esme had covered the house in the smell of roses. _256 roses, Edward_. Alice thought proudly.

Carlisle and Esme greeted us. _I'd better apologize to Bella before she faints_. Carlisle thought. "Sorry about this, Bella. We couldn't rein Alice in."

Rosalie and Emmett stood behind him. Emmett was grinning. _I'm betting she trips fifteen times_.

Rosalie was thinking about a song she heard twenty years ago to keep her jealous thoughts from me. She faked a smile at Bella as we walked past. My hand was on around Bella's waist.

"I have to step out for a second" Emmett said with a wink in Alice's direction, "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone." A could hear him get Bella's new radio from the garage.

Alice stepped away from Jasper, who was in pain since he forgot to hunt. "Time to open presents."

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything"

"But I didn't listen," Alice never listens if it gets in her way, "Open it." She commanded.

The first present from was empty. It was the radio that Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper got her. She didn't get the joke. "Um...Thanks"

Every one laughed. "It's a stereo for your truck," Jasper explained, "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it." Emmett laughed outside.

Bella thanked them and laughed as Alice gave Bella the gift from her and I. "You promised," She said to me.

"I didn't spend a dime"

Emmett came in pushing in behind Jasper, who was closer to her than I would like. But he was curious about the present.

As Bella opened up the package her finger hit the end of the package tearing through the soft skin. "Shoot" she said as a single drop of sweet crimson blood dropped from the tiny cut.

Jasper's thoughts turned to the hunt as Bella's sent reached him. "No!" I yelled as I threw myself in front of Bella. I pushed her back, too hard, as I heard her fly across the table and shatter crystal. Jasper slammed into me. His thoughts were tormented, but he was acting upon his vampire instincts. His teeth were inches from my face and I wasn't able to hold him much longer. Just when my strength was about to give out Emmett came up and locked Jasper from behind. This happened with in two seconds.

Within the next second I heard Bella fall of the table onto a shard of glass. The glass tore at the skin. There was a long gash from her wrist to her elbow on her arm. And it was gushing blood.


	3. Stiches

**Stitches**

* * *

As Emmett and I were struggling to keep Jasper from killing Bella, Carlisle took control of the situation. "Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside." Carlisle thoughts were calm and in control of the situation.

Everyone except for Carlisle and Bella hasn't breathed since Bella sliced her figure, a half of a minute ago. Emmett was serious, "Come on, Jasper, let's go." I could feel Jasper's thoughts turning lucid, but he was still not in control of his instincts. He struggled against Emmett, but Emmett didn't falter. He was strong enough to hold Jasper, but not strong enough to move him. _Edward, I can't move Jasper and keep in control. _He warned me in his thoughts, since his air was depleted for speaking.

_Oh, is Bella hurt. Poor mortal, maybe next time she'll know not to play with the supernatural._ Rose thoughts were smug as she helped Emmett move Jasper. I would have replied to Rose if I wasn't focusing all my attention on keeping Bella safe from my family as well as trying not to kill her my self. Although I was not breathing, the initial memory of the scent of the blood from Bella's finger was enough to pour venom into my mouth. The monster brought up a memory of last spring in the ballet studio. The memory brought more venom in my mouth. I was so close to killing her. Only the memory of Bella lying in the hospital, so close to death, kept the monster down. I promised her I wouldn't put he in danger again. I failed.

Esme held the door open for Emmett, rose and Jasper. Her hand was covering her nose and mouth. Esme loved Bella, but it wasn't enough to crush her vampire instincts. _I wish I could stay, but it's too much._ "I'm so sorry, Bella." She was ashamed that she couldn't stay. Even my mother (for all intensive purposes) was a danger to Bella.

"Let me by, Edward."

Carlisle voice broke up my train of thoughts. He was the only one who was not a danger to Bella. I relaxed my protective stance around Bella and let Carlisle by. He knelt beside her. Bella's face was still frozen in shock. A minute ago we were all happy, now everything was changed. It was my fault; I shouldn't of let her into this danger.

Alice was still here to help. She was fighting her instincts but she was in control. "Here, Carlisle," she said handing him a towel.

_This would be nothing if Bella didn't have glass in the wound._ "Too much glass in the wound." _She'll need more than just a bandage._ Carlisle ripped the white tablecloth and wrapped it around Bella's arm to apply pressure. I could see that the blood was making Bella sick.

"Bella, do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?"

"Here, please." I could tell that Bella didn't want Charlie to hear what happened. He was used to her coming home with bandages though, since she was a little clumsy.

"I'll get your bag." Alice said to Carlisle. As she ran out of the room she inhaled a breath of clean air.

"Let's take her to the kitchen table." Carlisle said to me. I lifted her easily and walked into the kitchen, while Carlisle was applying pressure to the wound. I wasn't breathing. "How are you doing, Bella?"

"I'm fine." She answered, her voice steady. It didn't reassure me. She would be better if she wasn't here at all.

Alice came back with Carlisle's black bag and lungs full of clean air. I set down Bella on a chair while Carlisle pulled another. He immediately went to work. I still hadn't taken a breath. Bella noticed.

"Just go, Edward."

"I can handle it," I said trying to reassure her and myself. It didn't work.

"You don't need to be a hero. Carlisle can fix me without your help. Get some fresh air." She winced as Carlisle began to clean the wound. I could not leave her when she's in pain.

"I'll stay."

"Why are you so masochistic?" I didn't have an answer, except that love makes people do crazy things.

Carlisle could see that I was in pain. He misinterpreted the kind of pain though. "Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he goes to far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now." He was right. I wasn't angry with him, but he didn't think that.

"Yes, go find Jasper." Bella agreed. Only she would want to apologize to someone who almost killed her. And I'm the masochistic one.

_You're no use to us when you're on the verge of killing her. She'll be fine. Go find Jasper_. "You might as well do something useful," Alice added. My eyes narrowed, but I couldn't win this argument. I had no more air to use to talk anyway. Wordlessly, I ran out the back door to find Jasper.

***

I found him in the mountains. He had just brought down a dear and feed on it. He's thoughts were filled with self-doubt. As he heard me approach he got into a fighting stance.

_I'm sorry about Bella, but I will fight you if you came to punish me._ He had the wrong idea.

"I'm not here to punish you," I said aloud. His stance did not change. "This could have happened to anyone, Jazz."

"Anyone, ha! I'm the only one who has problems with this lifestyle. Its not like I want to kill. I feel the emotions of victims. It should help me and usually it does. But Bella wasn't scared she was just shocked. I should have been able to control myself but I couldn't. Her blood is sweet, Edward. I couldn't help it. It's better if I wasn't there, but I can't leave Alice and she won't leave you or the rest of the family. And you won't leave Bella."

"Jasper, I'm not blaming you for any of this. It is just a result of my reckless decision to let her into our life. It's my fault. I need to keep her safe and if that means my own discomfort then that's the price I will have to pay." I had an idea. I didn't like it but it was the only way to keep her safe.

"Why don't you make us all happy and turn her immortal like she wants? I like Bella and I can see that she's good for you. She is what Alice is to me. She completes you."

"Bella doesn't know the price of immortally and I won't put her in pain. Jasper you can't argue that this life isn't painful, and not just the transformation period."

_Bella's right you are a masochist._ "If you are planning to do what I think you are planning," I nodded, he thought right. "Edward, you better think this through. Don't underestimate Bella, you know better than anyone that she is far from a normal mortal."

"Don't worry, Jazz, I know what I'm doing." That seemed to reassure Jasper, but not myself somehow. I pushed back the feeling of uncertainty before Jasper could register it. "Let's get back to the house. The family is worried."

Jasper nodded and we ran back.

***

As we approached the house, we met Alice by the river. She and Jasper embraced. Their display of love made me feel lonely. But I wasn't going to sacrifice Bella for something as trivial as my happiness. Jasper was still blaming himself for the incident and decided not to come in the house. Just Alice and I walked to the house.

We could smell the bleach before we got in. Esme was cleaning up the mess. Good, it meant the air would be clean to breath. It's so tedious when you can't breath. As I walked in I saw Bella trying to help Esme clean. Bella looked so fragile. Her arm was covered in a white bandage and her shirt was soaked with blood. Alice ran to her side but I stayed back.

Alice could see that Bella's clothes were unsuitable in a house of vampires. "C'mon," she said to Bella, "I'll get you something less macabre to wear." As she changed I could hear the conversation Bella was having with Alice. She was whispering, but I could still hear it threw Alice's thoughts.

"How bad is it?" Bella asked.

"I'm not sure yet." Alice answered. Of course her vision was cloudy, I hadn't made up my mind on the plan yet.

Bella asked about Jasper. I was right, she wanted to reassure him that it wasn't his fault that he tried to kill her. It was mine, I'm sure.

I was waiting for Bella by the front door, wordlessly opening it for her as she approached me. She was about to walk out when Alice said, "Take your things! You can thank me later when you open them." However Alice's thoughts were unsettled. She knew Bella was going to like the presents, but she was unsure if Bella was going to thank her.

She said a quick goodnight to Esme and Carlisle. I could tell that they were worried about me, but they tried to hide their thoughts. We hurried (well, at human pace) to Bella's truck. I held the passenger door open for her. She climbed in without a complaint. That should have been the first sign that something was wrong. We drove into the night.

As I turned onto the freeway Bella turned to me and said, "Say something."

"What do you want me to say?" I asked. My voice sounded weird in my ears, like I was somehow detached from the world. Bella cringed at the sound.

"Tell me you forgive me"

WHAT? How could she blame herself for this? If she got a paper cut anywhere else she would not come as close to death as she did today. Why in the world did she thing this was in anyway her fault?

"Forgive you? For what?" I replied, my anger bringing life to my voice.

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened."

"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut. That hardly deserves the death penalty." Which she almost got.

"It's still my fault."

WHAT? Her words made me extremely angry and made me go on and tirade on how if she got a paper cut anywhere else nothing would have happened. Even if she tripped onto glass she still would have been better off at a mortal's house, like Mike Newton's. Apparently Bella didn't want to be with Mike, even if he is healthier for her.

"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton. I'd rather die than be with anyone but you." She responded. I remembered Alice's vision of Bella dead. She would die if she stayed with me.

"Don't be melodramatic, please."

"Well then, don't you be ridiculous." I couldn't answer her. I decided to concentrate on my driving while not killing her truck. We drove the rest of the way in silence until we pulled up to her house.

"Will you stay tonight?" She asked.

"I should go home." I needed to plan the immediate future with my family and talk to Jasper.

"For my birthday." I could see she rally wanted me to stay, but I was no good for her.

"You can't have it both ways," I told her, "either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other." My voice was stern, but not too stern I decided to give what she wanted, well, one thing at least.

"Okay I decided I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs." She reached back towards the gifts my family got her.

"You don't have to take those"

"I want them," her answer surprised me.

"No you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."

"I'll live," she replied as she got out of the truck, awkwardly positioning the presents under her good arm. I could see that they weren't going to make it to her room in one piece.

"Let me carry them, at least." I had to do something to make her life easier. "I'll be in your room."

"Thanks"

"Happy Birthday." I said before kissing her. The kiss made me forget my problems for the moment, and I smiled before leaving her.

***

I was on her bed when Bella walked in. "Hi." I said.

"Hi, can I open my presents now?" She said as she laid down close to me. She was enthusiastic. I couldn't place why she was.

"Where did this enthusiasm come from?"

"You made me curious." She picked up the box from Carlisle and Esme. I unwrapped it for her, so no risk of another paper cut. "Are you sure I can handle the lid?" She asked as I gave her the box. Inside the box were two tickets to Jacksonville to visit Renee. After a minute she realized what it was.

"We're going to Jacksonville?" Of course she thought I was going too.

"That's the idea."

"I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."

Bella was really excited. I couldn't believe my eyes. So, she could be like a normal human every once in while.

"I think I can handle it. If I had any idea that you would respond to a gift in this appropriately I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."

"Well of course it's too much," same old Bella, "but I get to take you with me."

I laughed at her response. "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable." I unwrapped her present from me and gave it to her. It was the CD I made for her with all my piano arrangments on it.

"What is it?" She asked. Instead of telling her I put the CD in her CD player next to her bed. Her lullaby started playing. Tears began to for in her eyes.

"Does your arm hurt?" I asked. I didn't want her in pain.

"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it."

"I didn't think you would have let me get a piano so I could play for you here." I was really considering the piano plan until Alice told me of how Bella would react. Also a piano would be easier for Charlie to hear.

"You're right." She replied.

"How does your arm feel?" I asked her.

"Just fine." I could tell she was lying. She was eyeing my hand suspiciously.

"I'll get you some Tylenol"

"I don't need anything," she protested as I got up out of her bed. "Charlie," she warned.

"He won't catch me." I said as I ran out of the room. I knew exactly where the Tylenol was, and I caught a glimpse of Charlie snoring on the couch while I fetched the pills and a glass of water for Bella. She took the pills without argument. She was really in pain.

"Its late," I said as I reached for Bella sliding her close to me. She leaned her head against my shoulder while her lullaby played.

"Thanks again."

"Your welcome."

Was it wrong for me to enjoy this? I loved having her near me, but I was bad for her. Another one of my songs began but I hardly noticed. I was too lost in my own thoughts.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked me.

I hesitated, deciding what to tell her. I went for a vague version of the truth. "I was thinking about right and wrong, actually."

"Remember how I decided that I wanted you not to ignore my birthday?" she asked me, trying to change the subject.

"Yes."

"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."

"You're greedy tonight."

"Yes I am, but don't do anything you don't want to do."

I laughed. There wasn't anything I wanted to do more than kiss her passionately all the time. "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do."

I began the kiss the same as others but I crossed some of the previous set boundaries. It was longer and more passionate that before. I wanted to remember this kiss more than others. I stopped it before Bella wanted it to end, and, to tell the truth, before I wanted it to end.

"Sorry, that was out of line," I said.

"I didn't mind," she replied. I knew that was the truth.

I frowned at her, "Try to sleep, Bella."

"No, I want you to kiss me again."

"You're overestimating my self control."

"Which is more tempting to you my blood or my body?"

"Its a tie." I said after a moment's hesitation. Because of the tie she was in danger and yet safe from me. "Now why don't you go to sleep?"

"Fine," she answered.

Before she drifted off, I could feel her wounded arm press against my cold body. She was really hurt.


	4. The End: Part 1, Plan

**The End Part 1: Plan**

* * *

I was watching Bella sleep that night. She tossed and turned, never a good sign of a good night's sleep. She said my name 20 times in her sleep, a record. As she slept I thought about right and wrong.

I was sure it is not right for me to but Bella in danger. It was selfish. The only way to keep Bella safe was for her to be away from danger, namely me. I had to stay away from her to keep her safe. That much I was sure about.

What I wasn't sure about is if I could leave her. Every time I thought about leaving I felt as if I was slowly cutting my silent heart. I had to leave, though, to keep her heart beating. I didn't matter, only Bella did. If I was willing to kill myself for her then leaving for her shouldn't be a problem, right?

When she woke I could tell she was worried. I kissed her forehead before ducking out her window. I would see her at school. Right now I had to talk to my family, to tell them my plan.

* * *

Alice met me at our front door. "We are leaving," it was not a question, "I can see your mind is made up. I can't change that. But I want to know why."

"Why, Alice? I love her too much to put her in danger. We are a danger to her. Last night was proof of that. I can't stand it! Bella in danger drives me insane. Its either I leave her or she dies, its that simple."

"No its not, Edward. There is a third choice. You're just to stubborn to realize it." I didn't have to read her thoughts to get her meaning.

"I will never do that to her. I will not damn Bella to this half-life. She doesn't know anything about this life because she never experienced the pain of thirst. I know what's best for her. This is best for her!"

_That's what you think._ "But what is best for you?"

"I don't matter."

Alice couldn't argue with me. She knew I was immoveable on this plan. "You're going to have to explain why we have to move to the rest of the family," she said.

They assembled by our dinning room table (obviously a prop, we don't eat inside). "We are leaving Forks," I announced.

Rosalie was the first to speak out. "I knew this would happen. Why would you be so stupid to let yourself be drawn in with a mortal, Edward? Now I' going to have to start high school over again! I HATE STAYING IN THAT HELL HOLE FOR 7 HOURS A DAY, 180 DAYS A YEAR, 4 FREEKIN YEARS IN A ROW!"

_That's 5040 hours,_ Emmett thought.

After I didn't respond to Rose's out burst Esme jumped in. "Rose that's unfair. Can't you see how this is hurting Edward. We WILL leave because Edward thinks this is best for Bella." _Sorry I was listening to your conversation with Alice. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, son._

"I know what we can do." Carlisle said, "We still have that house by Ithaca. I built it back during the War of 1812. We could move there for a while. I could get a job locally and Cornell is around there so some of us could enroll. Rose you don't have to go back to high school. You and Emmett could go on that European honeymoon you always wanted."

We all agreed on the plan and moving preparations began immediately. Jasper went to get papers. I went to find Alice to straighten a few things out before school. But as usual she knew what I wanted to do before I got there.

_That's unfair!_ "Why can't I say goodbye?"

"You need to stay for Jasper, to help, and to make a clean break. I don't want Bella to know until we have everything moved and settled. Carlisle can't quit until the last minute. Bella is going to think you are convincing Jasper to move to Denali. Please Alice, Bella needs a clean break. _I_ need a clean break!"

Alice could hear the anguish in my voice. "Fine," she submitted. _But I still don't like it._

I didn't respond to Alice. I didn't like it either.

I got in my Volvo and drove to school and to Bella.

* * *

I arrived to school before her, like always. I had to hide my intentions form her. I struggled to keep my face compose, though I think it might of betrayed me when Bella pulled up next to me.

I opened her car door for her. "How do you feel?" I asked.

"Perfect," She was lying to make me feel better. It just depressed me.

The morning was slow and silent. Bella looked like she was on the verge of asking something, but she always stopped herself before she could voice it.

A few minutes into lunch Bella asked me, "Where's Alice?" Of course she would notice hr absence.

"She's with Jasper," it wasn't a lie, not really.

"Is he okay?"

"He's gone away for a while." We all will be gone soon.

"What? Where?"

I couldn't lie to her. I would have to soon, but not now. Instead I stuck to a vague version of the truth. "Nowhere in particular."

"And Alice too." She knew wherever Jasper was Alice would be with him.

"Yes. She'll be gone for a while," more like forever, "She was trying to convince him to convince him to go to Denali." Lie.

Bella's eyes began to tear up. "Is your arm bothering you?" I asked. I sometimes forgot about physical pain, except for thirst, from time to time.

"Who care's about my stupid arm?"

I was making her mad. Good. If she's mad she won't hurt later, after.

The rest of the day was a blur. I could not talk to her my tongue might betray me if I did. I kept focusing on Bella's face when she didn't notice. I needed more memories. I walked her over to her truck, like always, "You'll come over later tonight?" she asked. I always came over that had to change.

"Later?" She didn't have anything after school.

"I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."

"Oh," in all this confusion I forgot how Alice had switched Bella's shifts. That was a first for me.

"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?"

"If you want me to."

"I always want you."

"All right then." I said. I wanted to scream. This is the hardest thing I had to do. I kissed her forehead trying to appear calm when inside I was a wreck. I went in my car and drove away. I needed to get away for a while to clear my head.

I drove my to my meadow. Usually this secluded spot was refreshing. I stood there listening to the sounds of the forest, trying to clear my head. All I could think of was when I brought Bella here the first time. It was the first time I declared my love for her. Instead of clearing my head it made me more depressed.

I decided to hunt. As I let my instincts drive my actions I left my mind behind. It calmed me. I found a mountain lion and brought it down in record time. I was calm enough to go back and see Bella.

* * *

She wasn't home when I pulled up. Charlie was. He answered the door. _He's here again, like always. _"Hi, Edward," he said, "Bella's not home yet, but she'll be soon. Come in and watch Sports Center with me." _I would kick him out but, but that would make Bella upset._

I didn't have to wait long for Bella. A distinct sound of a prehistoric engine warned me of her arrival when she was still a half of a mile away. A minute later I herd her turn into the driveway.

"Dad? Edward?" she called as she walked into the house.

"In here," Charlie answered.

I focused on the mindless sports show, when Bella entered. "Hi," she said. She sounded off.

"Hey, Bella," Charlie answered, "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay," she said. She waited in the doorway for me.

"I'll be right behind you," I said, but I didn't get up. Instead my eyes went back to the TV. I began an argument over collage football with Charlie. Although I never watched sports, men tackling each other never appealed to me, but I knew enough by listening to Emmett's thoughts to keep the conversation going.

Bella came back with her new camera and took a picture of Charlie and me. I didn't look away from the TV. Charlie was surprised, "What are you doing, Bella?" Charlie hated having his picture taken; I could hear that in his mind. I was curious too.

"Oh, come on. You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt." Bella answered. I knew that that was an excuse for Charlie She had a plan, like me. But my plan was in action already, it wouldn't change.

"Why are you taking picture of me, though?" Charlie was still angry about being a subject of photo.

"Because you're so handsome. And because you bought the camera you're obligated to be one of my subjects." She was hiding something. What I wouldn't give to read her mind right now.

"Bull Shit," Charlie murmured too low for Bella to hear.

"Hey Edward, take one of me and my dad together."

She sat with Charlie. Bella's face was composed, but she wasn't smiling. She really was hiding something. "You need to smile, Bella." I reminded her.

Her smile was fake, but Charlie didn't notice, "Let me take one of you kids," he said. Bella went to stand next to me. I went formal with my pose, my hand was placed gently on Bella's shoulders. She wrapped her arm around my waist. I didn't look at her and she didn't look at me.

"Smile Bella," Charlie said. Something was wrong with her. She must be upset with me. If she hates me it will make it easier for her to accept my imminent departure. Charlie took the picture. "Enough pictures for tonight. You don't have to use the whole roll now." He said.

I twisted away from Bella and went to sit back down in the armchair. Bella sat on the couch. I could tell that neither of us watched TV, but we were both focused on whatever was on TV.

When it ended I decided that this day had been sufficiently awkward for the both of us. I stood up and said, "I'd better go home."

Charlie didn't even look up from the commercial, "See ya," _and don't come back._ He didn't know how right he was.

Bella got up and walked e to my car. "Will you stay?" She didn't sound right, I couldn't place what was wrong in her voice.

"Not tonight."

I got in my car and left Bella in the rain. I didn't look back as I speed away.

* * *

I helped with packing up for the move that night. I arrived distracted at school, but I wasn't the only one. Bella was spaced out during every class, even in English. Mr. Berty was surprised at Bella's lack of enthusiasm, bit I wasn't. She must be suspecting something to happen soon, but she had no idea what. I was sure of that.

We avoided eye contact the whole day. I knew my minutes were numbered with her, but I couldn't stand to look at her without getting that awful heartache sensation.

At lunch Bella brought out her camera and gave it to Jessica to take photos of everyone at our table. She agreed enthusiastically and took an embarrassing one of Mike. The table began to use the camera and many embarrassing photos and laughter resulted. The only people at our table that weren't laughing were Bella and I.

I knew now why Bella was so enthusiastic to take pictures and scrapbook it. She must have guessed that we were leaving, and that she was leaving with us. This was going to present a problem for me, when the time came.

I didn't visit her after work. I didn't even call. I felt horrible, but this was the right thing to do.

* * *

We were packed and ready to go by midnight. Carlisle had bought a moving van and it was packed with most of our things. Some things stayed in the house to make it appear inhabited. Everyone one was getting ready to leave. That is everyone but Carlisle and I.

It was two in the morning when I said goodbye to Alice and the rest. It was a somber moment. They were all thinking about what I had to do later. The one thing I didn't want to think about. Before she left Alice and I had a private conversation.

"Are you sure Edward?" Alice asked.

"Of course I'm sure. Look at the clarity of your vision."

"Its not like I can stop it, I just want to know how you're going to handle it?" _and how she will too?_

"Alice, that's none of you business," I know that was mean, but I wasn't in the best mood at the moment, "and don't look into the future for her, Alice. We have to leave her completely. A clean break, remember."

"Okay, Edward," she could see that there arguing with me would go no where. "I'll see you in New York."

"Bye for now, Alice." She drove off leaving me in the empty house with Carlisle.

"This reminds me of the good old days," Carlisle said with a nervous chuckle.

"Yeah," I wasn't in the mood to talk.

"Edward, you know I'll support you with what ever decision you make, but I can't stand to see you like this." _In so much mental anguish_. Carlisle said.

"I'll be fine, Carlisle," I said trying to convince myself as well as Carlisle, "I just need time and distractions." It was silent until we both had to leave. Carlisle was heading to the hospital to tell them that he was taking a job in LA and that he would be leaving immediately for California. I left for my last day at Forks high with Bella.

* * *

The day was long and awkward like the day before. As I walked Bella to her truck I asked, "Do you mind if I come over today?" My voice lacked emotion.

"Of course not."

"Now?" There might have been a hint of urgency in my voice. I wanted to get this over with.

"Sure, I was going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there," she said. I saw a fat envelope addressed to Renee. The pictures from the last two days were in there. Bella could not have reminders of vampires with her. I had to get those pictures.

I grabbed the envelope, "I'll do it, and I'll still beat you there." I tried to smile but it didn't work.

"Okay." Bella said before driving away. I rushed to my Volvo. I carefully opened the envelope and took out the pictures of me. Then I went and mailed the letter for Renee and drove to Bella's house. I did beat her home.

I parked in Charlie's spot, a clear sign that I wasn't staying. As Bella got out of her truck, I took her backpack and threw it pack in the truck. It was time for the last and hardest part of my plan.

"Come for a walk with me." I told her.


	5. The End Part 2: Departure

**The End Part 2: Departure**

* * *

I kept my voice emotionless as I lead Bella into the forest by her house. We were only a few feet in the forest, still within sight of her house. Although we entered the forest together we would be leaving separately.

"Okay let's talk," she began.

I took a deep breath. It was going to take all my strength to pull this off without backing down. I brought up Alice's vision of Bella dead to tighten my resolve. Three days of preparation went to those three words that came out of my mouth.

"Bella, we're leaving."

She took a deep breath; maybe she would take this better than I hoped.

" Why now? Another year -"

I had to cut her off with the excuse I planed. "Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks after all? Carlisle barely passes for thirty now, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon enough."

She looked confused at my words. Then she understood, "When you say 'we'-"

"I mean my family and myself." I had to separate each word so I wouldn't have to say it again. It hurt enough the first time.

It took a few minutes for the words to sink in for Bella. "Okay, I'll come with you."

Although I knew Bella would want to come, I had hoped she wouldn't. She made this so much harder. "You can't, Bella. Where we're going," I had to think of an excuse for her, "It's not the right place for you." Lie.

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella." Truth.

"Don't be ridiculous," her voice sounded like a cross between anger and begging, "You're the very best part of my life."

"My world is not for you," I said grimly. If she stayed in my world she would end up dead.

"What happened with Jasper – that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" Bella raised her voice. I never saw her like this.

"You're right, it was exactly what was to be expected." Truth.

"You promised!" She sounded angry yet not mad. "In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"

"As long as that was best for you." I corrected her.

"No!" Her voice broke, "this is about my soul, isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you – it's yours already!"

This was exactly what I feared. She didn't care about things that she would not understand until it was too late. I understood it, though, so I was qualified to make this decision in her place. And I choose to let Bella live a fulfilling life as mortal, without me. Unfortunately, I couldn't us this explanation to let Bella go. Instead I had to lie to her.

"Bella," I spoke slowly to let the words sink in, "I don't want you to come with me." My face was cold because I was picturing Alice's vision again in my head. It took Bella a minute to absorb the words.

"You ... don't ... want me?"

"No." LIE!

"Well, that changes things." Her voice sounded... reasonable. This was easier than I thought. I must be a better actor than I thought. I had to give her the bogus reason why we were breaking up.

"Of course I'll always love you ... in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm," it was hard to go on. I had to pause and bring up Alice's vision to convince me to continue, "Tired of pretending to be someone I'm not, Bella, I'm not human. I've let this gone on much to long, and I'm sorry for that." I was sorry, truly sorry.

Bella's voice was no more that a whisper as she realized she was too late. "Don't ... don't do this." I never saw Bella like this all her resolve was gone. I just stared on, struggling to remain emotionless.

"You're not good for me, Bella." LIE.

She just stood there dumbstruck. "If...if that's what you want."

I nodded. I wanted her to be safe. There was one more thing I had to tell Bella. "I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much."

"Anything"

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She understood, but I was worried that she took my request and interpreted my love from it. Which was true. I became more distant as I gave here the false excuse for the request. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take core of yourself," for me, "for him."

"I will," she whispered. I relaxed a little. Bella would not break this promise, I was sure.

"And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference with me. It will be as if I'd never existed," I had one more thing to do to make that promise true. I smiled gently at Bella, "don't worry. You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind." I hoped that was true for her.

"And your memories?" She asked.

"Well," I will hurt every minute of every day until I meet you in the after life, "I won't forget. But my kind ... we're very easily distracted." I cracked a smile as I remembered the conversation I had with Carlisle earlier today. I stepped away, "That's everything I supposed. We won't bother you again."

"Alice isn't coming back."

I shook my head keeping my eyes on her face. "No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" Bella's voice was laced with disbelief.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you," and me. "Goodbye, Bella." I had to leave otherwise I would go crazy.

"Wait!" She cried as she reached for me. I almost gave in and reached back, but I stopped myself.

"Take care of yourself." I said. Then I ran, not looking back.

***

I ran into her house. I left a note for Charlie in Bella's handwriting, telling him where she went. I wrote it last night while planning for today. I hoped that Bella would be able arrive home without getting lost, but I knew her too well to not take second chances with her. Then I ran into her room.

In her CD player was her gift from me. I took it out, and then grabbed the scrapbook. Inside I found the pictures of me and I took them out. I found the tickets and grabbed them. Once I had all the reminders of me I didn't know what to do with them. Then an idea came to me. I would leave them here with Bella, but she wouldn't notice it.

I went to the loose floorboard in here room picked them up and put the 'reminders' under them. Then I replaced everything. To the unobservant, Bella's room looked exactly the same. But, I knew she would realize I was there. I ran out of Bella's house for the last time, out the window for old time's sake.

I went to my car and drove away. It began to rain as I got to the freeway. I hoped Bella was inside, I didn't want her to get sick because of me. I left Forks, it was now vampire free, but still home to a heart broken girl.

I wanted to go back, to say I'm sorry, and say it was all a lie and that I'll never leave. I wanted Bella to be happy, not be the wreck that I know she is now. But I kept driving away from her. Ever time I thought about going back I thought about her dying all too early.

As I entered Idaho I began to think of Bella's future without me. With me out of the picture I knew enough that half of the males at Forks high would dump their girlfriends and try to ask Bella out. I wasn't sure what Bella would do. When I pictured her going out with Mike Newton I made a U-Turn before correcting my mistake. There was no way she would go out with him, because she was friends with Jess, Mike's present girlfriend.

It was past midnight when I thought about my future. When I got into Ithaca I would help with unpacking. Then I would probably start at Cornell. I had no desire to finish high school, again. The minds of high school seniors would just remind me. I didn't need that.

When dawn broke I entered Minnesota. My thoughts were restless. I couldn't help but worrying that Bella didn't get home safely or that she would not honor her promise. I almost turned around again envisioning here alone in the forest. I had to distract my mind.

I drove the rest of my way to Ithaca remembering my first months with Bella with crystal clear clarity. She was now safe, I hoped.


	6. College

A/N: Sorry about the delays, between band camp, summer work, and a wicked case of writer's block I came up with this. I hope you enjoy this next chapter in Edward life 3.

-Music Manic 101

* * *

College

The first few days in Ithaca went by in a blur. Everyone was busy tying to bring the nearly 200-year-old house to the 21st century. When I arrived I almost couldn't find it. If not for my vampire instincts the hidden driveway on the side of the mountain would be invisible. The mile long driveway led up the mountain into the dense forest. This forest was older than Washington, yet I felt that it was more forgiving. It held fewer mysteries, and less sorrow than Washington.

The house itself was a masterpiece. Carlisle had built it in his free time, when the rest of the town thought he was sleeping or off. Apparently this is what Carlisle did before he founded the family. The colonial architecture of the house also had medieval hints within the house.

Nothing had inhabited the house except the occasional spider for nearly 180 years. Needless to say we had more to do than just unpack. We had to paint, and add modern plumbing and electricity to the house. Due to our vampire nature, what would take a mortal six weeks to do we got done in one. The house was livable and Esme would take care of the rest of the interior decorating as her personal project.

Carlisle was able to find a job working the night shift at the local hospital. He was the only one to volunteer for the night shift. Rosalie and Emmett spent their days in Ithaca planning an elaborate fourth honeymoon. Alice was transferring into the local high school to finish out her senior year. I would not be joining her; high school students would be a painful reminder of the past month. Jasper and I would be going to Cornell. Due to a generous donation to the schools library Jasper and I were able to join the schools philosophy program mid semester.

***

As Jasper and I walked into our General Philosophy class, I could tell from experience that the reaction to the new "kids" would be typical. Jasper felt the surprise as we walk into the classroom. He also felt lust from many of the females that noticed our presence. I was able to hear the emotions in the students' heads.

We took a seat in the back of the class while I scanned for any accurate suspicions.

_Wow they are beautiful, I wonder if they have gir friends,_ thought the blonde girl three rows in front of us. _Probably, although they are too good looking... possibly gay, like that guy in my English comp class. _I smiled at that remark. It was the first time I heard that explanation for our good looks. Jasper eyed my smile suspiciously.

_That's the first time I've seen you smile in weeks, _he thought, _why?_ My smile disappeared as I told him the comment I overheard. Jasper's comment reminded me why I wasn't smiling anymore.

A young man in the front row was suspicious of us, just not for the right reason. _Why are two pretty boys transferring mid-semester. They must be rich... really rich. Good looking and rich and now I have to compete with that? FML!_ I found his mind remarkably similar to Mike Newton's. That other reminder of Forks sent another dagger through my lifeless heart.

Before I could dwell upon my misery, another mind entered the mist. The professor had arrived. His mind was straightforward and professional. He looked to be in his mid 60s and looked at us, the rich transfer students, with contempt. _Rich kids think they can do whatever they want 'cause of a donation to the school, and sucking up to the board. Let's see how they'll do on their first test. If they fail I get to kick them out. _"Hello, class today we begin to study how the heart affects the mind." _Let's see if these pretty boys know their stuff._ "Perhaps Mr. Jasper Cullen could tell us some of the effects." Obviously the professor thought that we couldn't memorize the entire two thousand-page philosophy book between the hours of three and five in the morning.

"Well professor, the heart affects logic, therefore the logical solution is no longer possible if the subject thinks that it will affect a loved one. He is no longer a rational being and he will go with an illogical solution, which he will view as logical." _Like moving away. _I flashed a quick frown at Jasper. Even though he couldn't read minds he could interpret the frown. _Fine, I overstepped, sorry. Hey! Look at the professor, he must be pissed that I showed him up. How's that for a rich pretty boy, jerk! _

His joke was trying to cheer me up, but I just felt guilty. My family should not have to suffer with me.

The rest of the class passed in a blur. Every mention of the heart or love sent a crystal clear memory of my last day in forks and of her broke heart. To put a name to the face in my head would be too much pain.

As soon as class ended I ran out (at human pace). I didn't go home with Jasper. I didn't want him to know how badly I was damaged, mentally because he would tell Alice. Then Alice would tell me to go back. In the mental state I was in I might lose that argument. I didn't want to take that chance.

Instead of driving home I ran and stopped to hunt.

***

When I arrived home, I could see Alice waiting for me on the front porch. "Jasper told me about what happen today. He said he knows it's none of his business but he was reading a lot of sorrow from you and he's worried about his brother." There was no way of escaping Alice; she had all the escape routes covered.

"And?"

"Oh Edward, are you going to run away from every thing that reminds you of Bel... Forks." She saw me quitting Cornell.

"No, but yes for now. I need more time, Alice, and distractions and collage isn't doing anything for me." I just got another idea.

Alice vision blurred as I decided to act upon my idea. She saw me in a dingy pub talking to Alistair. "Are you going to say goodbye to everyone, or should I?" she asked in a sour voice.

"I'll say goodbye" I'm getting good at goodbyes, I thought to myself sourly.

***

Alice got everyone together. Rosalie and Emmett were going to say goodbye anyway as they were embarking on their fourth honeymoon tomorrow. Their goodbyes were quick because the family knew of their travel plans. When the happy goodbyes were over I started my monologue.

"Carlisle, Esme," I started to get their attention. It worked as they looked at me with confused and worried thoughts. "I appreciate everything you've done for me recently more than ever. I can't tell you how much its means to me that we moved, and you have supported all my decisions without question. However, I'm afraid I have to made one more decision that I'm asking you to support. I decided to go to Europe, alone, to clear my head and heart." My "parents" were stunned.

Carlisle was the first to recover, "What do you plan to do in Europe?" He was worried I might revert to my old ways like I did during my first two decades into this life.

"I plan to learn how to track. I'm going to England, first, to find Alistair. From there I don't know where I'll go, but I promise to stay in touch. I just need time to clear my head and move on. I believe that going to Europe, alone, will help."

"Plus, I'll be keeping tabs on him." Alice said to Carlisle and Esme. _To make sure you don't do anything stupid or suicidal._

Esme seemed a little more at ease after she heard Alice's promise. "I hate to see you leave, but if you have to go, go. And know that I love you, never ever forget that you have a family who loves you always."

"And we'll support you always, no matter what," Carlisle completed as he put his arm around Esme's waist. I used to do that same subtle move, in what seemed like a different life. It was just another reminder of pain. Each time I thought about Forks it sent a dagger in my heart, the pain was never fading.

Carlisle dropped his arm when he saw the hurt in my eyes. "Do you need anything?" he asked.

"Just time"

Alice drove me to the airport the next day. "Don't forget I'll be watching your future Edward. So be careful and don't do anything stupid. 'Cause I don't want to fly all the way to Europe to stop you." _And stop acting so glum, you wanted this remember? You want to exile yourself from everyone who loves you._

Alice didn't know it, but she hinted at the other reason I was leaving. I didn't want my family to hurt because I hurt. I wanted them to be happy and not guilty that they were in love and I wasn't.


	7. AListair

Here is the new chapter of no moon. Sorry for the delay but my life is supper hectic.

Chapter 6 Alistair

It was raining lightly when I arrived in London. I didn't know exactly where to find Alistair, but Carlisle told me he liked to hunt around pubs. The drunken people were usually passed out before he could get them. Since it was November Carlisle knew he would want to be around London.

I found the most crowded pub and waited in the alley behind it. If I wanted to talk to him he would want to know that I was there. If I snuck up on him it was probable that he would run and hide under a rock for the next century. And it was impossible to sneak up on a paranoid vampire.

He found me at 2 am, "What does Carlisle want?" He asked abruptly as we walked in the pub.

"Nothing, but-"

"Then why the hell are you here? You're waiting for me, I know that."

"I want to know how to track"

My request caught him off guard, "Track? Why?"

"Because I find it a useful skill."

"Well that's right. But it doesn't mean you're going to be able to do it Tracking is my gift. I could ask you to teach me how to read minds and still won't be able to do it."

"True," I conceded, "but tracking can be taught too. I know I'll never have your skills but I want to learn what I can."

"If I teach you what I know, what will you do for me?" Alistair wanted one thing, to find out what others are planning.

"I can only offer to read the minds of the people you are suspicious of," I knew that's what he wanted.

Alistair crimson eyes widened at my words. _At last I could find out anybody can tell that I'm not human._ "Alright we have a deal. Tell Carlisle I only owe him one more favor. Meet me at Big Ben at 10 pm tomorrow. Till then I would find a place where a vegetarian can hunt. Unless you want to join me hunting the pubs?" The question was rhetorical so he turned around and disappeared into the still crowded pub.

***

Finding abundant wildlife in London was rather hard. So, I rented a car to get out of town. It was a nice Jaguar with great acceleration. As I left the city and the surrounding suburbs, at 250 km/hour, the wildlife grew more abundant.

As I gave up to my instincts I left behind the human emotions that were stronger in this existence. Lately my mind has been filled by the emotion of longing for the impossible. I _was_ content, for the first 90 years of my life I never felt a longing for a mortal life. I now understood why Rosalie wanted to be mortal so badly. On the drive here and the plane ride before, I went over the "what ifs" in my head. What if I was mortal, I could live and grow old with _her_. I imagined us with gray hair and a big family, kids with her hair, eyes, and blush.

But I had to remember that this was impossible. I have to stop thinking about "what if". So I let the vampire instincts of the hunt temporary clear my head.

After the fire was all but extinguished, I went back to the car. The Jaguar was new and very nice, but no matter how fast I drove I didn't find it as enjoyable as before. I approached maximum speed and the car engine started to whine in protest, like an _old truck_. I ignored the protest and pressed the gas, a bad idea. The engine went up in flames and I jumped out before the engine exploded. London was about 10 miles away, so I ran back slowing to human pace in the populated areas.

***

It was raining at 10pm at Big Ben. Alistair promised to meet me here and I knew he meant it by his thought. However by 10:15 he didn't show. But his sent was here and recently.

This must be the first test. I would have to find him. There must be a clue here. I searched the minds of the remaining tourists to look for a clue on where he would be. A girl with large black hair was thinking of Alistair and I followed her train of thought. Apparently he went into the building. I found his sent in the restricted area behind the clock face. "Welcome Edward, you past your first test of tracking. You past. How did you do it?"

"I searched the minds of the tourist, till I found you I their thoughts."

_Interesting_. "Your gift is useful, but don't use it as primary tool. What if there are no people around. You need to use your instincts, sight and smell. Tracking is a precise art. It takes skill, cunning and a whole lot of luck. You have cunning boy," he said, "but your skill is not there. For me, I feel a pull towards what I'm looking for. It may be a gift, but I also see subtle hints of quarry. Watch."

He ran downstairs and out the door before I realized it. I looked for theses "subtle hints" that he mentioned. I saw minuet displacement of the rug toward the door. Outside I saw a faint rustle of the grass. A woman saw Alistair walk into a pub. Inside the pub owner was asking for Alistair's order. And he was pissed that all Alistair got was a cheep beer.

I went inside and sat next to Alistair. "I can't teach you more," he stated, "Its instinctual, but you got the basic idea. But don't anger anybody and tell them that it was me that taught you, or I'll find you. Now tell me is the barman suspect anything about me."

"No, he just thinks you should order more expensive food."

"Good," he smiled, "Okay go now, Edward, you're drawling too much attention over here from the ladies. Good bye and tell Carlisle I only owe him one more favor."

"Bye" I said and turned to leave.


	8. Ireland

**Ireland**

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I never wished to be able to sleep, for nearly a hundred years I have found that not needing sleep gave me an opportunity to learn more than I could have, and observe the oddities of the human behavior, especially of those sleeping. Yet now I wished to have the 8 hours of nothingness... of fiction that is sleep. That even in a nightmare it would better than the reality that I am in now.

The days blurred together into an eternity of gray. The short training with Alistair has done nothing to ease my (for lack of a better word) depression. The only thing that stops me from getting on a jumbo jet towards the Pacific Northwest is the fear inside of me, not fear for myself, my time was coming in a few decades.

I was still in the British Isles, when a subconscious instinct told me to swim to Ireland. Why not? And so I found myself, on a crowded street in Dublin on a cool misty day, looking at three strikingly beautiful Irish immortals. Two women and a man, each with ruby irises, spotted me on the street and motioned for me to follow them as they turned down an ally.

I followed them, through back allies, out of the city, into the woods. Once we were in the darkness of the woods I followed them at a run for about ten miles before coming to a cottage completely in harmony with the woods surrounding it, with the three immortals in front of the entrance. I stepped forward to greet them when Siobhan greeted me first.

"Edward! What brings you to Ireland? Is Carlisle all right?"

"Carlisle is fine, and so is everyone else back in the states. How are you?"

"We are great," Siobhan said, Maggie nodded in agreement, "come in, I don't like getting wet" It had started to rain.

Their cottage was very green inside, with modest furniture and a lot of bookshelves. I sat down on their couch out of habit. Maggie sat down next to me. Her thoughts were worried; she had sensed that something wasn't right with me. Siobhan and Liam walked in, their arms intertwined. The feeling of longing came back again.

"So, Edward, you never did say why you were in Ireland?" Maggie asked in a blunt tone, _Tell the truth I'll know if your lying any way, and do you really want me to go through the trouble of asking you again?_ Maggie was always this blunt; it was something I liked about her, back when I met her, anyway.

"I wanted to get away." That was the truth ... well part of it anyway.

_Okay true, but I hate when you're this vague_.

"Well, what made you go to Ireland?" Liam asked, he sensed that I wasn't telling the whole truth.

"I don't know really, I visited Alistair in London and didn't feel like going home. Something in my mind made me come here."

There must have been some type of emotion in my voice because after I stopped talking we sat in silence for about ten minutes. I could sense Maggie, Siobhan, and Liam going bringing up the times they saw me before. I could see myself in their memories, twenty-five years ago, the last time they saw my family and me.

In Siobhan's mind, I saw the time they watched me arm wrestle Emmett. _The forest of Maine was covered in snow as Emmett and I sat by a big bolder hands clenched together ready to begin to arm wrestle. My family was behind us, and Alice yelled, "GO". My face was clenched in concentration while Emmett wore a big smile. He forced my arm into the rock creating a dent in it. "One day Emmett, You will be beat and I just hope I can see it," I said with a huge smile on my face._

In Liam's mind I saw myself from that same visit. _We were playing baseball as I came up to bat and hit the ball straight toward Rosalie. She yelled as the ball went right above he head, ruining the top of her hair. I ran pass her laughing._

And I Maggie's mind I saw her memory of myself playing the piano. _It was a high tempo piece with a fast triplet melody, and in a major key. It was clear that the mood was happy. _

Their memories all showed me as very happy and surrounded by family. The same question was going through their head, _what happened?_

Maggie was the first to break the silence, "When was the last time you were happy, truly happy?"

I thought about the question. Truthfully, I don't remember the last time I was happy. I know it wasn't that long ago when I was happy, probably back in the summer when I was back in Washington. I don't want to bring back the memories of last summer; it just brings the picture that was always linked with my happiness, a very human face. That face was linked to pain.

Of course I didn't want to say exactly why I wasn't happy to Maggie. Instead I just said plainly, "Last summer, I think."

_Another vague answer Edward!_ I knew was starting to get on her nerves.

Siobhan was worried, "Are you okay?" she asked simply.

"Yes"

"LIAR!" Maggie yelled. She tackled me on the floor and pinned me to the floor. I didn't fight back.

"Stop this stupid vague answers! I want to know the truth, the whole truth! And you are going to give it to me. Now!" She got up off of me after saying this, but her red eyes were on me.

I knew I had no other choice; I had to tell the coven my story. "I fell in love, with a mortal." They gasped but motioned for me to go on. "It started in Washington, she's unlike anyone I've ever met: her personality, the way she can see through me like no one else can. She found out what I am, and she didn't go running in fear, it made her come closer to me.

"But there is no way I'm going to take her life and bring her into this world, I couldn't live with the guilt of taking the life out of her eyes. And her blood smells so good I couldn't be near her if she got even a paper cut.

"I left her because she got to close to the dangers of our world. Last spring, a nomad came too close to killing her. I ended up killing him. And my own brother was about to kill her on her birthday. I just can't let that happen. She needs to be safe and the only way that will happen is if I'm out of her life."

I sat back down after telling my story. Maggie looked dumbstruck, "I am so sorry Edward. I had no idea." She hugged me.

I didn't know what to say. "I think I need to hunt." I told them as I turned to walk toward the door.

Siobhan opened it for me, "It'll work out somehow Edward. I know it will." She said, "Farewell."

I walked out and turned to disappear in the woods when Liam ran out after me, "Something worries me," he told me, "This nomad, the one who almost killed your love, did he have a mate?"

I nodded, "Yes"

"Then your girl may not be all that safe. This mate may want revenge, I would watch out." He turned to run back to Siobhan, "Good luck," he called after me as I ran into the woods, with no intention of hunting.

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_I want to thank all my readers, your reviews make me smile! And I hope the wait had paid off. Between tons of homework I haven't had time to write as much as I wanted to. But don't worry more will come to those who wait. And updates will be quicker come May. - Music Manic 101  
_


	9. Tracking

Tracking

It was a new feeling for me, only being able to go out at night, a vampire stereotype. Yet it was truly ironic that now, after almost a century of this life, that I fit it. I was back in Phoenix, retracing Victoria's steps. My first stop was the ballet studio. But there was a new building that replaced the one that Alice had so much fun burning down. Victoria must have been here, trying to find out what happened to James.

I stood at the corner and looked up to the stars, what stars could be seen through the city lights, when it came to me. The streetlight had a security camera on it. The camera wasn't there when the ballet studio burnt down, but maybe it was added immediately after, I had to find out.

It was nearly dawn when I got back to my hotel room. I would have to wait until dusk to visit city hall and find out exactly when the security camera was installed. I would have to break in to find out exactly what I needed to know. The daylight hours were spent on researching how to break in to city hall. Internet is defiantly the best invention of my life.

I found out what I needed to know with time to spare, which isn't good. Finding Victoria has taken my mind off of my still heart. But, when I have to wait my mind wanders, often lingering on the recent past, in a dreary town in Washington. It causes pain, and falters my resolve to stay away from her. Being in Phoenix is not helping, but I convinced myself that this way I'm protecting her from my world further.

The sun finally set and I headed downtown. People were leaving the building, a balding man and a middle age woman. I hid in an alleyway and listened to their conversation.

"How come we are always the last out?" The woman asked.

"Because we are the lowest paid," The man chuckled, "And the night guard is in there so we technically aren't the last one out."

"Oh, haha very funny, he makes more that us, I think. Well, see you tomorrow." The woman said, and walked away. The man also went to his car.

So there was one guard tonight, and the building was big. I could get in, find what I need, and be out before the guard would finish his rounds. My dismal luck was breaking.

I came in through the third story window, it wasn't alarmed, and mortal robbers would never have been able to climb up to that height. From the window I followed the hallway to a door labeled _street security center. _ It was locked, but with my superior strength I broke the lock without setting off any alarms. The room was dark, and on three sides there was shelves of DVDs and portable hard drives, each labeled with a date and _portable hard copy_. I assumed these were only for emergencies since they were covered in dust. It was on the fourth wall of the room that I found what I was looking for.

The wall was covered with screens, four columns and four rows. In front of the wall was a desk with different controls, and a map of the city with each camera labeled. I quickly found the camera I was looking for. I typed into the first screen and pressed the archive button. The screen filled with dates and I typed in the date that we burnt down the studio. 'UNAVAILABLE' popped onto the screen. I tried the week after that, and I got a picture of the burnt remains of the ballet studio and a government official walking down a ladder after installing the camera. I began to fast forward the film.

The second day after the camera was installed I caught a glimpse of red hair moving impossibly fast into the burnt ruins. Ten minutes later the same glimpse of red came back of the screen running out of sight. I pulled up the camera on the corner she was headed for and found the fast red blur on this camera not a second later. I followed Victoria though the streets to the airport. She ran right to the terminal that was boarding flights to Texas.

Texas is my next stop.

***

I landed in Houston at ten o'clock on the next night. I was glad to be off the plane and tracking Victoria again. My heart was suffering again; I spent the whole fight arguing with myself on how to go on. It's becoming harder to stay away and convince myself that I'm protecting her, that it's better to protect her from afar then next to her. My resolve was fading, I had to become distracted and quickly.

I walked through the airport with determination. I had to find Victoria, and soon. As I reached the baggage check I sensed someone behind me, and following me. I walked out of the airport into the Houston night being followed. I walked into a park and stopped in the most secluded area waiting for my pursuer to show himself.

She did. Her features showed Mexican descent, her hair was black; her body slender; her skin was oddly pale; and her eyes were blood red. She was clearly a vampire, and I have seen her before, in my brother's memories.

"Maria" I said coolly.

She tilted her head, like a curious dog. "Have we met?" _I don't remember him. Is he an old enemy?_

"No, and I am not an enemy." She looked up alarmed, "I can read thoughts. Don't be alarmed, I have seen you before in the memories of another vampire."

_Who? An Enemy, a friend, a deserter? _

"A former friend, but that is all. I won't tell you who, for his privacy."

"Fine, I will not inquire further, but I like to know if a vampire is in my city, and why?" _So why are you here, my golden eyed friend?_

Maria might be of good use then. She would know if Victoria was here and why. "I'm looking for someone, another vampire, a red head, her name is Victoria."

Maria's thoughts flashed up a picture of Victoria's face. "Yes, I saw her. She just lost a mate, poor creature. She was a wreck, we hunted together and she said she felt better. After a few days she went on her way, to Brazil. Rio, I believe."

I sensed no deception in her thoughts. Maria told me what she thought was the truth, but she was hiding something in her mind. I had a location so whatever Maria was hiding was unimportant. I wanted to get Victoria and quickly.

"Thank you for your help," I said and turned to leave. If I got on the next flight to Rio I could be there tomorrow.

"Wait!" Maria called and ran up to me. "I don't recall that you even gave me your name."

"That's right." I said as I ran away. My next stop was Brazil.

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**Coming soon: Chapter 9 Phone Call**

**Reviews make me smile so keep them coming! - _Music Manic 101_**


	10. Phone Call

**_Authors note: I don't own twilight, I just love the world._**

_**So AP's are done and I have time now to update! This chapter is short but significant. I hope you like it. And don't forget to review – Music Manic 101**_

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**Phone Call**

The street was crowded on this humid night. I could hear conversations in multiple languages, Portuguese, English, and Spanish. I could hear thoughts in those languages. But I wasn't interested in any of it. All these words, spoken or not, meant nothing to me. They were annoyingly human, and not immortal in any nature.

I've been in Brazil for two weeks. Two weeks and no leads on Victoria. I explored the Amazon for the first week, and found nothing except for some very angry panthers. The Amazon is big, but something told me by the seventh day that Victoria wasn't there. So I washed all traces of the rainforest off of me and went into the big city, Rio de Janeiro.

For the last week I have been walking around in the dark trying to find a glimpse of flaming red hair, or scarlet irises. But I found nothing, and I was about to give up. I found myself walking towards the airport. It was like fate wanted me to leave this place. My search was failing miserably, I might as well restart it somewhere else.

What would Victoria do? My thoughts were so focused on James that day, that I didn't get a good read on Victoria, and I was paying for that mistake now. Would she go back to Forks? I wondered if she had that vindictive nature in her. Would she want revenge? What would she do when she found out that there were no vampires left in Forks? Would she go after the one remaining connection to vampires in Forks? Would she attack ... her?

I shook my head. My thoughts were running away with me to a painful spot. I had to stop it from happening. Yet my thoughts were getting more painful with every day I spent away from her. I tried to rationalize with myself. If I went back, just to make sure she was okay, I would feel better. If I could just see her one more time, I would feel better. But I would lack the will power to leave her again. I knew that.

My phone rang in my pocket, disturbing my thoughts. The phone hasn't ringed in three months. Only my family has this number and they respected my privacy enough to only call me in an emergency.

I opened the phone; it was Rosalie calling.

"Hello" I said.

"Edward," She sounded frantic, which was unusual, "Did you hear from Alice?"

"No. Why? What's wrong? Is everybody okay?"

"Oh, the family is fine, we are in Denali right now. But, Edward I warned her, I told her that there was nothing she could do, that it was already too late. But she went anyway, 'Even if all I can do is comfort Charlie' she said."

_Charlie?_ "Where did Alice go, Rosalie?"

"She went to Forks."

I was angry, I explicitly told Alice to stay away and she went back anyway. Did she want to hurt me? "Why the hell did Alice go back?" I asked Rosalie, each of my words were coated with anger.

Rosalie's voice was trembling, "E-Edward, she went back because off w-what she saw."

"Tell me Rose" Horror began to fill me.

"I-It was Bella," The name stung like a thousand needles to my heart, "Alice... Alice saw... Edward I'm sorry... Alice saw Bella jump f-from a cliff into the sea, and then disappear. She... she didn't resurface."

My world went black. I didn't notice the people moving past me on the sidewalk. I didn't even notice I was standing on the sidewalk. The lights of the building, streetlights, even the stars went black. My sky was just an opaque black sheet above me, with no moon, no stars, no source of light at all.

I barely noticed that I had hung up on Rose and leaned up against the nearest building. Nor did I notice that I dialed a new number, one that was so familiar to me, yet I hadn't called it in almost seven months. It was only when the phone reached my ear that I realized that I called Bella's house. Maybe, just maybe, she would answer the phone like always. Maybe Rosalie was wrong. I hoped that familiar voice would answer, and fill me with painful longing. I hoped.

My hopes were crushed. An unfamiliar, husky male voice answered the phone.

"Swan residence"

I couldn't ask for Bella, It would sound suspicious. "Is Charlie there?" I asked.

"He's not here," the voice answered, suddenly sounding menacing.

"Where is he?" I asked. If he was at work than everything was fine. If not...

"He's at the funeral." The voice said, and hung up.

_Bella._

I stumbled in realization. The world without Bella was not worth living in. I couldn't stand a world without her. It already seemed a desolate place. I would join her, and the only way to do that was to go to Italy. I threw my phone in a trash can, and went to catch my last place ride, to meet my destiny, and my end.


End file.
